


'cause love is whatever we want it to be

by wafflesofdoom



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Dates, M/M, Schmoop, Sexuality Crisis, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24555283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: "he and buck, there was a sort of an inevitability to their relationship that scared eddie to his core, sometimes – but more and more now, he was realising that his fear was holding him back from something amazing.he –well, eddie was going to sweep buck off his feet."-or, the one where eddie and buck finally get to romancing and go on a series of dates, and somewhere along the way, eddie comes to terms with his own sexuality.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan 'Buck' Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 37
Kudos: 408





	'cause love is whatever we want it to be

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'lovers friends' by MÖWE & daniel nitt.

Eddie first noticed the sad, puppy dog look on Buck’s face when Hen received a bouquet of flowers to the station, the bright orange and yellow blooms coming with a card attached, Karen declaring ‘happy anniversary’ in her neat, flourishing handwriting, Hen’s smile unmovable for the rest of the day. It – it was jealousy, Eddie realised, knowing his best friend well enough – and for long enough, now – to know why he looked like a kicked puppy as Hen admired her flowers.

It happened again, when Bobby received a box of cupcakes from Athena – ‘I love you’ was all the note had said, Bobby smiling secretly to himself as he passed the cupcakes around the team, tucking the note carefully into the pocket of his work trousers.

And again, when Chimney got an unexpected delivery to the station, a note attached to the ordered takeout declaring that Maddie loved him, and missed him, and good luck on the 24-hour shift. The same sad, kicked puppy look that had appeared all those weeks ago, now.

It got worse, as Valentine’s Day swung around, cards and chocolates and flowers and fruit bouquets arriving with different names and declarations of love, and affection – Eddie himself even receiving a glitter covered card from his son, Christopher passing it over with a million dollar smile, as usual.

Buck hadn’t gotten anything.

Eddie hadn’t expected him to, to be honest – Eddie knew his best friend was dating, occasionally, but nothing serious enough to warrant a Valentine’s Day gift. Eddie wasn’t even sure that Buck had been on a second date, recently, a string of unsuccessful first dates making for an unhappy looking Buck, every time he’d drag himself to the station, in the aftermath.

Eddie hated seeing Buck like that.

“Hey,” Eddie greeted, leaning against the doorframe of the locker room, watching Buck carefully. His best friend was sitting, slumped on one of the benches, messing with his cellphone.

“Hey,” Buck echoed, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“You left dinner, pretty quickly,” Eddie commented, Buck having left the station kitchen as soon as it was appropriate too, claiming he was in need of a rest. Buck wasn’t the kind of person to willingly rest up in the bunks unless everyone else was, known for passing out for a quick nap on the station couches instead – or the one memorable time he was found napping on one of the weights benches.

“Yeah,” Buck sighed, tucking his cellphone in his pocket. “There’s a lot of romance happening, up there.”

“It is Valentine’s Day,” Eddie hummed, sitting down on the bench next to Buck. “I thought you were a romantic at heart, Buckley.”

“I am,” Buck admitted, glancing toward the door. “It’s just hard sometimes, seeing everyone so happy when my dating life is such a disaster.”

“I’m sure its not that bad,” Eddie tried to placate.

“It is,” Buck huffed out a tired breath. “I – if I was looking to hook up with people the way I used to, sure, things would be going great, but I want something real, you know? And – it’s not that I don’t enjoy the sex,” he laughed a little, Eddie rolling his eyes. “But I guess I just want more, and I haven’t met anyone who wants that too.”

Eddie was quiet, for a second. Slowly but surely, since the well incident, since Christopher’s trip to summer camp, there had been a change in their relationship – they were closer than any platonic best friends usually were, and you could blame the intensity of their job and how that bonded people in a way an office job never would, but that was only part of it.

The romantic undertones to their dynamic were kind of hard to ignore, these days.

“I just…” Buck piped up again, looking at Eddie with bright, shiny eyes. “I guess I just want someone to come and sweep me off my feet, for once.”

As Eddie hugged his best friend tightly, his decision was made. He and Buck, there was a sort of an inevitability to their relationship that scared Eddie to his core, sometimes – but more and more now, he was realising that his fear was holding him back from something amazing.

He –

Well, Eddie was going to sweep Buck off his feet.

**the first date**

Asking your best friend on a first date was hard. There wasn’t exactly a handbook out there to guide you through the transition from best friends, to maybe more, and so Eddie had hit a wall.

He was overthinking it.

Eddie was definitely overthinking it.

But –

It had been so long since he had taken anyone on a first date, and Eddie had been out of the game for a long time. Then again, maybe simple was best. Eddie had always been good at the kind of simple, familiar romance that would warm your partner from the inside out, and there was no reason he couldn’t play to his strengths.

Pulling up a list of local flower shops, Eddie set about putting his plan in motion.

It was early, too early for there to be a knock at Buck’s door on his day off, the only day of the entire week he had a chance to sleep in. Tiredly, Buck padded downstairs, wiping at his eyes as he opened the front door of his loft, surprised to see a bouquet of flowers on this doorstep. Bending down to pick them up, Buck squinted at the neatly printed card.

_‘Buck –_

_If you’ll let me, I’d like to be the one to sweep you off your feet. Be ready for seven tonight – and wear something nice. I’ll pick you up._

_Eddie x ‘_

Buck couldn’t help the delighted giggle that escaped his throat as he realised what was happening – Eddie had just asked him on a date. He had wondered, for a long time, what it would be like to go on a date with Eddie, but he’d been too comfortable, too settled in their friendship to push to change that, and now, Eddie was sending him flowers and taking him on a date.

Gently picking up the flowers, Buck nudged his front door closed with his hip, heading for the kitchen. He was sure Maddie had bought him a flower vase, back when he had been recovering from the ladder truck incident, their parents having sent him flowers.

Buck hadn’t used it since he’d angrily dumped the flowers in the garbage a half an hour after Maddie had left for work, that day.

Rooting in his cupboards, Buck let out a triumphant noise as he found the glass vase, sticking it under the tap, waiting until it was half full before he set about arranging the flowers. He could count on one had the amount of times he’d received flowers in his life – literally, this was the second bunch – and so he wasn’t quite sure if he was doing it right.

But they looked good.

Eddie had picked out the brightest flowers Buck had ever seen, vibrant oranges and pinks and purples, the greenery mixed in making the flowers themselves stand out a mile. They were beautiful, and Buck couldn’t help the way his stomach somersaulted as he admired his new flowers, trying to decide where to put them on display.

Taking the stairs to his bedroom two at a time, Buck unplugged his cellphone from where it had been charging, heading back to the kitchen to take a photo of the flowers, pulling up his chat with Eddie. He sent him the photo, along with a thank you, and slumped against the counter delightedly as he realised he was going on an actual date with Eddie Diaz.

Buck wasn’t sure if his heart could take the thought of it.

Buck was wearing his best shirt. It was an overpriced one he’d bought one afternoon shopping with Maddie, his sister reassuring him that the powder blue material suited him. He wasn’t sure. He hadn’t been sure then, and he was less sure now, staring at the shirt in the mirror.

Was it the pants?

Should Buck wear his jeans, instead?

But –

Eddie had told him to wear something nice, and something nice didn’t mean a pair of jeans. Nice meant the chinos he rarely wore, and the nice shoes he bought for a date with Abby, realising he couldn’t wear his sneakers to a nice restaurant, and they’d stayed at the back of his closet since, and Buck had to admit they pinched around the toes, a little.

Before he could change his outfit for the tenth time that evening, the doorbell went, and Buck couldn’t help but smile. Eddie had a key to Buck’s loft, he’d had a key for years, now, but there he was, ringing the doorbell like an absolute gentleman.

Shrugging on his leather jacket, Buck patted his pockets to be sure he had his wallet, and keys, grabbing his phone from where it was charging before he bounded down the stairs, opening the door to reveal Eddie.

Eddie was wearing a goddamned suit, and Buck was ready to melt into a puddle at the other man’s feet. He’d forgone the tie, but the dark grey material of the suit was what drew Buck’s attention, the suit accentuating the broadness of Eddie’s shoulders, the curve of his hips – and the shirt he was wearing was the most delicious maroon colour, and Buck was sort of ready to slam his best friend against a wall and suck his brain out through his dick.

That was not a very first date appropriate thought, Buck reminded him, smiling hesitantly at Eddie. “Hi,” he greeted, knowing his nerves were evident in the way his voice broke, a little. “Thank you – for the flowers.”

“I’m glad you liked them,” Eddie replied, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You look good,” he continued. “I like that colour on you,” he gestured to Buck’s shirt, fingers close enough to touch the material, but he pulled back before Buck could beg him to rip the shirt off.

Calm down, Buck.

“Thank you,” Buck said, instead, gesturing at Eddie. “You look like a fucking model, Eddie.”

Eddie laughed, the sound filling the quiet hallway of Buck’s building. “I couldn’t tell you to wear something nice if I wasn’t going to do it myself, could I?” he said, jerking his head toward the elevators. “Come on, we’ve got reservations.”

“Are you going to tell me where?” Buck inquired, locking his front door before he followed Eddie to the elevator, admiring the way the grey material of his suit strained slightly, as Eddie reached out to press the button to call the lift.

“Nope,” Eddie grinned as they made their quick descent to the lobby of Buck’s building, heading out into the carpark. It was late February, and so it was still cool in the evenings – by LA standards, at least. Buck knew this was practically summer weather, by Pennsylvania standards, but he’d been gone from his home state long enough to have forgotten what the bitterly cold winters really felt like.

Before Buck could open the passenger door of Eddie’s truck, the man in question was doing it for him, flashing Buck a bright grin as he held the door open. “Very gentleman-like of you,” Buck teased, hoping his teasing made the delighted flush in his own cheeks a little less obvious as he settled into the passenger seat, Eddie shutting the door for him.

“If you can’t be a gentleman on a first date, when can you?” Eddie shrugged, clicking his own seatbelt into place, twisting the key in the ignition. “I’ll even be nice enough to let you choose the music – provided you don’t pick Taylor Swift,” he warned.

Buck laughed, holding Eddie’s phone out for his friend to unlock it, pulling up Eddie’s Spotify. “It’s your phone, you know – maybe you’re the one who likes Taylor Swift,” he joked, knowing full well he was responsible for the multiple playlists of Taylor Swift downloaded to Eddie’s phone.

“Maybe I just enjoy how much of an idiot you look like when you dance to Shake it Off in the kitchen with Chris,” Eddie hummed, flicking on his indicator.

Buck always admired how good Eddie looked when he drove. It was a strange thing to be attracted to, he supposed, but in all honesty, Buck didn’t see Eddie drive, all that much – he hadn’t done his LAFD driving certification yet, so he couldn’t actually be behind the wheel of the ladder truck, or the ambulance (not that Buck, or Bobby, were willing to give up their control of the ladder truck just yet) and Buck liked how focused his best friend got.

Safety first, and all that.

The familiar hum of an upbeat, pop playlist Buck had chosen at random filled the car, Buck slotting Eddie’s phone carefully into the holder fixed to the dashboard. “So,” he asked, taking a second to admire the strong line of Eddie’s jaw as he gritted his teeth to stop himself swearing at the guy who’d just cut him off, a habit they’d both developed as a result of driving with Christopher in the back seat. “Where are we going?”

“You have already asked me this,” Eddie reminded.

“I know,” Buck huffed, unable to wipe the smile from his face. “But I hoped you’d given in and just tell me this time.”

Eddie laughed, the sound melting right into Buck’s bones. “You’re trying to catch me off guard, huh?”

“Yup,” Buck replied childishly. “I’m not good at surprises.”

“That is a blatant lie, Evan Buckley,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “You love surprises. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who loves surprises more – and that includes Chris, by the way. You’re more excitable than a nine year old.”

“You like it, though,” Buck grinned, not bothering to try and follow the route Eddie was driving anymore. It was true – he’d pester, and ask what was going on, sure, but Buck did like surprises, and he was more than happy to be surprised by whatever Eddie was planning.

“I do,” Eddie reassured, reaching to crank the music a little louder as the song changed. “God, this is my favourite song.”

Buck smiled softly. “I know,” he said. “That’s why I queued it up.”

It took nearly an hour to get to where Eddie had made them reservations, but Buck’s wide eyed grin as they stepped out of the car made the horrendous traffic entirely worth it.

“Did you really manage to get us a table here?” Buck asked, utterly delighted.

Definitely worth it.

“Yup,” Eddie said, glancing over at the restaurant. It was new, a seafood restaurant Buck had been talking about for weeks, now, one he was desperate to try – but one that was notoriously romantic – the restaurant looking over the ocean, fairy lights and candles making for a less than platonic atmosphere.

Eddie’s cousin Luisa knew someone, who knew someone else, who was dating the head chef, and had managed to get Eddie a table for two on a busy Friday night.

“This is the best first date I’ve ever been on,” Buck declared dramatically, as they walked toward the front door of the restaurant.

“We’re not even on the date yet, Buck,” Eddie laughed, enjoying the way Buck did some sort of full body shiver as he held open the front door of the restaurant for Buck. Eddie Diaz had been raised right, okay – and he was going to hold the door open for his date.

The server looked to Buck, as he stumbled through the door, a delightful shade of pink. “Name on the reservation, sir?”

“Diaz,” Eddie interjected smoothly, putting a hand on Buck’s lower back. “For two.”

“Right this way!”

“Okay, but seriously,” Buck began. “How did you manage to get us a table here?”

Eddie tapped his nose, giving Buck a wicked smile. “I can’t tell you all of my secrets on the first date,” he said, stepping in to pull Buck’s chair out for him.

“You don’t have to do all this, you know,” Buck said, sliding into the chair, shrugging off his leather jacket, Eddie allowing himself a second or two to admire the way Buck’s shoulders moved and flexed under the blue material of his shirt.

“I know,” Eddie hummed. “But I want to. I told you, Buck – if you’ll let me, I want to be the one who sweeps you off your feet.”

“You’re definitely succeeding,” Buck said softly, glancing out toward the water. It was dusky, still, and the sky was full of pinks and gold, reflecting off the still water of the bay. “I know phones on a first date is the rudest thing I could do, but I’ve got to get a picture of this, Eds,” he admitted, reaching for his phone.

“That’s fine, Buck,” Eddie laughed. “It’s me and you, okay? You don’t need to try and impress me. I’m already impressed.”

Buck snapped a couple of pictures of the view, turning back to Eddie, cheekily snapping a photo of him, too, before he put his phone away, Eddie noting the way he flicked it onto silent before he put it in his jacket pocket. “You are?” he asked, his voice full of wonder.

“Of course,” Eddie said. “Buck – you’re one of the most impressive people I’ve ever met,” he said. “Its one of the million reasons why I wanted to take you out on a proper date.”

“You – you never did say what made you change your mind, and ask me out, for real,” Buck noted, his voice nervous. “We – I know we’ve both felt this for a while, but I guess I got so comfortable how things were, I didn’t expect you to ask.”

Eddie nodded, letting himself process Buck’s words for a second. “I think – well, no, I know why I didn’t ask before now,” he began. “I was afraid – afraid I’d lose you, honestly, because I’ve already got a failed marriage under my belt, and I was never very good at being anyone’s boyfriend, before that.”

“Eddie – “

“No, let me say this, please,” Eddie interrupted softly. He wanted the two of them to start this, their relationship properly, and he couldn’t do that if he wasn’t honest about everything with Buck from the beginning. “It’s true, I was never a good boyfriend, because all I ever really focused on was myself, and Chris changed that – but it didn’t make me a better husband, you know? He became the centre of my entire world.”

“He’s your kid,” Buck said. “Isn’t that where he’s supposed to be?”

Eddie nodded. “It’s where he’ll always be,” he said fiercely. “But more and more, since – since last summer, when things really started to change between us, I’ve realised that denying myself happiness outside of Chris isn’t good for either of us,” he said. “I talk to Frank about you, a lot,” he admitted, thinking of his monthly therapy sessions.

“Really?”

“Mm,” Eddie confirmed. “I think that’s why I want to be honest with you now, before we do this for real, Evan,” he wasn’t sure why Buck’s real name was the name that fell from his lips, but it had felt right, in the moment. “I needed to get myself to a place where I could be a good boyfriend – or partner, or whatever word we want to use – for you, because I know I haven’t always been a very good best friend.”

“Eddie, no _!”_

“Evan,” Eddie reached for Buck’s hand, giving the other man’s wrist a squeeze. “I want us to be able to point out each other’s mistakes, when we have to. Okay? Because I want to do this, us, properly, and you and I both know I’ve failed you as a friend.”

“So have I,” Buck pointed out, a look Eddie couldn’t quite read in his eyes.

“I know,” Eddie said. “And I’m sure we’ll fail each other again, because that’s life, you know? But it’s part of why I wanted to this properly, instead of – I don’t know, just jumping into bed with you or whatever,” he couldn’t help but flush at his own words, the mere idea of sex, with _Buck_ , reducing him to a pile of teenage-like hormones.

“You know I wouldn’t have been opposed to that,” Buck smirked, mouth quirking up at the corners.

“I know, but – I want to do this properly, and date you the way you deserve,” Eddie said, pausing to look at Buck properly, the soft lighting of the restaurant making him look even more damn attractive than he was on a normal day. “Is that okay?”

Buck’s smile was brighter than any of the lights hanging over their heads, Eddie’s heart doing double-time in his chest as Buck nodded. “Yeah, that’s more than okay, Eddie.”

Eddie felt like a nervous teenager as he walked Buck to his front door. It was late – later than Eddie had even planned for them to be out, honestly, but they’d gotten so caught up in conversation over dinner that it had felt like a shame to end it, so they’d moved to one of the bars along the coast, sitting impossibly close together as they’d talked.

It had taken everything Eddie had not to kiss Buck, at the restaurant, at the bar, but he hadn’t been lying when he had told Buck he wanted to do this right – and that meant he was going to leave Buck at his door, like a gentleman.

“Thank you, for tonight,” Buck said, leaning against his doorframe, keys in hand. He seemed just as reluctant as Eddie was to end the date. “I had a really good time.”

“Me too,” Eddie hummed, close enough to Buck that he could count the steady rise and fall of the other man’s chest.

“I’m not going to ask you to come in,” Buck admitted, grinning a little shyly. “Because I will not let you leave.”

Eddie laughed, looping a hand around Buck’s waist. “As tempting as that sounds,” he said. “I’m not sure you or I are ready for that.”

Buck nodded. “I know.”

One of the reasons Eddie had been to confident in finally pursuing something new with Buck was the fact that they understood each other on a level Eddie knew neither of them could possibly replicate with anyone else. They hadn’t had a conversation about Eddie’s past, with men – or lack thereof, he supposed – but somehow, Buck still seemed to understand this was new territory for him, and he wasn’t pushing.

Eddie’s eyes flickered to Buck’s lips, knowing his face was asking the question he didn’t quite have the words for, there and then.

_Can I kiss you? God – Can I kiss you? Please, can I kiss you?_

Buck nodded, the movement minuscule enough that if Eddie hadn’t already been standing in Buck’s personal space, he probably would have missed it. Ignoring the nerves doing a conga line in his stomach, Eddie pressed his lips to Buck’s, kissing him softly.

Eddie had expected kissing a man to somehow be earth-shatteringly different to kissing a woman, but it wasn’t, really. It was still just kissing someone he liked, and it was kissing Buck, finally, after months and months of fantasy. Buck was pliable, under his hands, Eddie angling his head a little so he could nudge his nose against Buck’s, Buck’s mouth opening against his, the kiss going from chaste, to very much _not_ , very quickly.

Eddie could feel the slight scratch of Buck’s stubble against his cheek, and he filed the sensation away to think about more fully lately, concentrating on kissing Buck breathless, there and then, Buck’s hands never straying from Eddie’s waist, large and firm and strong, nothing Eddie had ever experienced before.

They broke apart, eventually, Buck’s cheeks flushed red – Eddie was sure he looked the same, chest heaving as he gulped in a breath.

“Yeah, you’re going to have to go.”

“W-what?” Eddie couldn’t hide his confusion.

“Eddie, if you kiss me like that again, I will drag you inside of my apartment,” Buck laughed, shaking his head. “Holy shit.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah,” he agreed, his heart still running a literal marathon in his chest. “Holy shit.”

“Go,” Buck nudged. “You’ve got to get home to Pepa.”

“She’s staying the night,” Eddie admitted. “Not – not because I had planned to do anything except exactly what we have done,” he said. “But I didn’t want to rush our date.”

“I know,” Buck reassured, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to Eddie’s cheek. “Thank you, Eddie.”

Eddie closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the way Buck’s lips brushed against the heated skin of his cheek, that same scratch of stubble turning his stomach inside out. “You’re welcome, Buck,” he said, voice soft. Now – now he had kissed Buck, it was kind of hard to stop himself from pressing a brief, chaste kiss to the other man’s lips. “I’ll text you, when I’m home,” he reassured, walking backward toward the lift.

“Drive safe!” Buck called, making no move to unlock his apartment, watching on as Eddie stepped into the lift.

Eddie couldn’t help but press his fingers to his lips as the doors of the lift shut, grinning like an idiot.

That had been a pretty amazing first kiss.

Buck all but collapsed on his bed when he finally went inside, having watched an empty lift for far longer than he’d ever admit to. Buck – he’d been on plenty of first dates in his life, and none had been as good as the one he’d just been on with Eddie. As comfortable as they were with each other, as well as they knew each other, there had been a delicious undercurrent of nervousness and apprehension to the date, the kind that set your teeth on edge and really got you excited, and that had all exploded perfectly when Eddie had kissed him.

Eddie had kissed him.

Swallowing the urge to yell, excitedly, Buck simply smiled, tapping the back of his cell phone.

Eddie Diaz had kissed him.

It might just be the best day of his entire goddamned life.

**the coffee date**

For their second date, Eddie had decided on coffee, and a walk. The weather was nice, and they had a random Tuesday off, and with Christopher in school, Eddie figured this was the best time for them to finally have their second date. Managing to find time off that lined up was hard – and even though they saw each other nearly every day at work, it wasn’t the same as having their second date.

Plus, Eddie was doing his best to not think about kissing Buck when they were cutting people out of cars and putting out fires. It was kind of distracting, and wildly unprofessional.

“Hi.”

Eddie looked up as Buck arrived, sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He was wearing a new t-shirt, he noted, the material soft under Eddie’s fingers as he hugged Buck tightly, breathing in the familiar scent of the other man’s cologne. “Hi,” he returned Buck’s soft smile. “I was thinking we could get our coffee to go, take a walk?” he suggested.

Buck nodded. “Sounds good to me,” he agreed, laughing as Eddie held the door of the coffee shop open for him. “You don’t have to keep doing that, Eds.”

“I know,” Eddie shrugged, following Buck into the coffee shop. It was one of those stereotypical hipster LA coffee places, the decorations perfectly Instagram-able, but the coffee was good, and Eddie knew for a fact Buck liked it a lot, because they sold those disgusting matcha latte’s he liked so much. “Can’t I like doing it?”

“You can,” Buck hummed, as they got in line. “I guess I’m just not used to it.”

“It is only our second date,” Eddie pointed out, the queue slowly inching forward.

“I know,” Buck nodded, his sunglasses hanging off the front of his shirt now. “It’s weird, right? We spend nearly every day together at work, with Chris, but this is actually only our second proper date. I feel like – I feel like I have two Eddie’s in my life right now,” he laughed. “Eddie, my best friend, and Eddie, the guy I’m dating.”

“Aren’t we the same person?” Eddie asked sweetly.

“You are,” Buck nodded, looping a finger in one of Eddie’s belt loops, tugging Eddie closer. “I guess my brain hasn’t figured that out yet.”

Eddie nodded. “I guess it’ll take time,” he said, and it was true – they weren’t a couple, not really, not yet, and Eddie supposed it would all feel more natural when the true nature of their changing relationship had settled and was out in the open. For now, the only two people in the world who knew what was going on were Buck and Eddie. They’d made the conscious decision to keep it that way, after their first date.

They needed to figure this out for themselves, first.

Eddie looked up as the cashier looked at them expectantly. “Uh, just an Americano, please,” he said. “Buck?” he nudged.

“Iced matcha latte, please,” Buck said, rolling his eyes at Eddie’s expression. “Don’t judge me, man.”

“I’m not,” Eddie laughed, passing the cashier his card, swatting Buck’s hand out of the way as he tried to reach for his own wallet. “It’s on me, Buck.”

They moved away from the counter, Buck fixing him with a look. “At some point, Edmundo, you’re going to have to let me pay for our dates,” he said.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Don’t call me Edmundo,” he said automatically. “Anyway, _Evan_ , I told you – I plan to sweep you off your feet. When I’m done, you can pay for our dates.”

“And when will that be?”

Eddie grinned. “When you feel sufficiently swept!”

Buck honest to God snorted, his snort sounding impossibly loud, even in the busy coffee shop, Buck flushing with embarrassment. “You’re an idiot,” he shook his head, watching as Eddie fitted a lid on his coffee. “I still can’t believe you genuinely enjoy black coffee.”

Eddie shrugged. “Not all of us need to have our coffee be half sugar before you’re willing to drink it,” he said, taking a sip. He needed the coffee – Christopher had thrown a bit of a tantrum on the way to school that morning when he realised Eddie would be hanging out with Buck without him, which had led to a very fun (not) conversation with his ten year old son about how he couldn’t stop his father from hanging out with Buck when he wasn’t there, and no, he could not skip school to see Buck.

Kids apparently did turn into mini-teenagers when they hit double digits.

Buck’s drink took a little longer, but eventually he had the green monstrosity in his grip, smiling happily as he stuck a straw in. “Where to next?”

“I figured we could walk along by the beach,” Eddie suggested, squinting as they stepped out into the sun. He’d forgotten his sunglasses in his rush to get Christopher to school on time.

Buck bumped his elbow against Eddie’s, nodding. “Sounds good,” he said. “The weather is amazing, right?”

“Mm,” Eddie hummed his agreement. “I wish it stayed like this. It’s going to get so hot soon, and it’ll be unbearable.”

“Says the guy from Texas?” Buck raised an eyebrow.

“Heat in Texas is different,” Eddie retorted. “People just go insane when it gets hot in LA – and it’s always so full of tourists. You do not have to deal with that in El Paso.”

“True,” Buck relented. “Still, I like the crazy.”

“Of course you do,” Eddie laughed.

“Oh, come on! You have to admit it makes life more interesting,” Buck protested. “I like the weirdest calls of the summer competition.”

Eddie smiled as he remembered – Buck and Hen started a list, every summer without fall, logging their weirdest calls, and at the annual end of summer barbecue that Bobby hosted for the 118, they’d do a ridiculous, over the top mock ceremony where everyone would vote on what they thought was the weirdest call of the summer.

There was even an award.

“I do,” Eddie admitted. “But will anything ever top the Beverly Hills incident of last July?”

Buck shuddered. “Please, don’t remind me.”

“The flesh eating STD is still my favourite,” Eddie admitted as they turned a corner, finally on the promenade, the early spring warmth making the concrete feel hot underneath his sneakers. For all his complaints, Eddie did genuinely like Los Angeles a lot – the beach, in particular.

Buck pulled a face. “I’m glad I missed that one,” he admitted. “Old people and sex is not something I can match up in my head.”

Eddie snorted. “What, you don’t think me and you will be having great, hip breaking sex when we’re old?”

Buck gave a startled laugh. “I didn’t realise you saw that far into the future for us.”

“I do,” Eddie admitted, the words less hard to say than he’d imagined. “But that’s not really second date chat, is it?”

Buck inclined his head slightly. “It can be,” he pointed out, tugging Eddie toward the beach. He paused as they hit the sand, silently asking Eddie to hold his drink as he tugged off his sneakers, and socks, rolling the end of his trousers up.

“Are you seriously going paddling?” Eddie asked, passing Buck both of their drinks so he could do the same. “It’s March, Buck.”

“But the sand is warm,” Buck shrugged, taking a sip of Eddie’s Americano. “God, Eddie, that’s so bitter.”

“Drink your dirt drink and be quiet,” Eddie hushed, feigning offence as he took his drink back.

Buck rolled his eyes but didn’t push the argument. “I did want to ask you something,” he admitted. “But I don’t know if it’s second date chat either.”

“I’m curious, so you have to ask now.”

Buck swallowed, nodding slowly. “I’ve never heard you talk about dating a guy – or being attracted to a guy before,” his question more of a statement, but Eddie knew his best friend well enough to know how to read between the lines. He just wasn’t sure how to reply. “I’m pansexual,” he offered, the word vaguely familiar to Eddie. He’d done his own share of internet research on this. “I’ve known I was since I was a teenager.”

“That means you’re – you’re attracted to people, right? Gender doesn’t like – come into it?” Eddie wasn’t sure how to talk about these things yet.

Being a card carrying member of the LGBT community was still new to him – so new, in fact, that Eddie wasn’t even quite sure what word suit him, and his sexuality, best.

Buck nodded. “I like having a word,” he said, voice soft. “I didn’t used to. But I like having a word now.”

“I don’t know if I have a word,” Eddie admitted, squinting at Buck. “I was never attracted to another man before you – not really.”

Buck stopped, suddenly. “Wait, what?” he looked at Eddie, confused. “You’ve never been with another guy before?”

Eddie flushed, embarrassment pumping through his veins. “No. Does it matter to you?”

“No, God – not like that, Eddie,” Buck shook his head. “I just wish you’d told me, I could have made all this more special!”

“How, Buck?” Eddie laughed. “I’m not a blushing virgin. I don’t need you to hold my hand through this.”

Buck grinned wickedly. “What if I want to hold your hand?”

“You know what I mean, Buck,” Eddie said. “I didn’t exactly expect to have a sexuality crisis in my thirties, but it never felt like much of a crisis, either. I never felt like it was a crisis because falling for you just felt – felt inevitable, I guess. Some of this is going to be new to me, sure – but not the way I feel about you. I’ve felt like this for a long time.”

Buck nodded, looping an arm around Eddie’s waist. “Falling for you felt inevitable to me, too,” he replied quietly, and Eddie was helpless to do anything except let Buck kiss him. It was a chaste embrace, given they were in the middle of a public beach, but it was everything Eddie needed, there and then.

It was true, what he had said – he hadn’t felt like he was having some sort of life-changing crisis, when he realised what he felt for Buck. Buck being a man had felt almost secondary to the feelings he had to the other man – and he knew it wasn’t, but Eddie was dealing with his changing sexuality. He actually went to therapy, and talked, now, about his feelings, about Chris, about what it might mean to spend the rest of his life in love with another man.

He was processing.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Buck murmured, pulling back enough so he was able to speak.

“I – I’m not trying to downplay it,” Eddie said, voice soft. “I know I’ve got some stuff around this I need to process, but I’m working through it. It’s part of why I wanted to take this slow, if I’m honest.”

Buck nodded. “I can do slow,” he reassured. “We can do this at your pace, okay?”

“Or no pace at all,” Eddie grinned, tugging on Buck’s wrist and restarting their walk. “Did I tell you about the insane tantrum Christopher threw this morning?”

“Hey, Eds,” Buck tugged on Eddie’s wrist, pulling the other man back toward him. “You know you can talk to me about all this, right? Outside of the whole sweeping me off my feet, thing.”

He couldn’t help but worry, okay?

“I know,” Eddie’s voice was steady, reassuring.

“I just – I’m not going to be offended if you realise that I’m not what you want,” Buck blurted out. “If the realities of being with a man don’t do it for you, I mean.”

“ _Evan_ ,” Eddie sounded practically offended. “I wouldn’t have asked you out on a date if I wasn’t sure of how I felt about you, okay? That – that was why it took me to long to get here. I’m sure, and you being a guy is new to me, sure, but new doesn’t mean bad. It just means I’m a little clueless about certain things.”

Eddie was the most delicious shade of pink, his words coming out in a rush.

“That was a lot all at once,” Buck teased, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and pulling him in for a tight hug. “Thank you, for today. It was a really nice date, Eddie.”

Eddie’s chin was digging into the groove of Buck’s shoulder, but Buck didn’t have it in him to care. “Wait until you see what I have planned for the third date,” he grinned, and well –

Wait Buck happily would.

**the one where they go for a picnic**

Eddie’s stomach was in knots as he waited for Buck to descend the stairs of his apartment building, having decided to wait in the car this time.

“Is that a picnic basket I see?” Buck asked with a grin, practically swinging off the door of Eddie’s truck as he shoved his backpack at his feet, ignoring the way Eddie rolled his eyes at his antics.

“Maybe,” Eddie replied simply.

“Don’t wear yourself out from talking.”

“Ha.” Eddie replied, a wicked grin fixed in place on his face. “How was your day?”

“Boring,” Buck sighed. “We barely had any calls, and so Bobby had me stuck doing paperwork all afternoon,” he said. “You know how much I hate paperwork. If I wanted to do paperwork, I would have become an – an accountant!”

“You’d have to be good at math to be an accountant, Buck.”

“Rude,” Buck retorted. “I’m not that bad at math – normal math people actually use in real life. The stuff Christopher has to do for school is just downright insane.”

Eddie couldn’t help but agree. “We’re about six months out from me not having a clue how to help him do his homework,” he admitted. “Even now, you help him more than I do.”

“That’s mostly because I like learning new things,” Buck admitted. “And I tend to go down research rabbit holes when I help Chris with anything.”

“Speaking of research rabbit holes,” Eddie remembered the gift he had put in the glovebox of his truck before he’d set off for Buck’s apartment. “There’s a present in the glovebox for you.”

“You got me a present?” Buck asked, utterly delighted. “ _Eddie_! You got me a present?”

“Yes!” Eddie laughed, turning onto the freeway. “Come on, open it.”

Buck pulled the glovebox open, a neatly wrapped package (all down to the cashier in the bookshop, and definitely not Eddie himself) waiting with a card attached. Eddie couldn’t help but watch out of the corner of his eye as Buck read the card, tucking it in the pocket of his jeans with a smile, carefully peeling open the wrapping paper.

“ _How did it begin_?” Buck said the title aloud, careful fingers tracing the book cover.

“You mentioned you were curious about superstitions,” Eddie said. “After that call we took with the old woman and the salt. So – I figured, why not get you a book about it? You can read it and then fill the rest of us in on all the new random facts you’ve learned.”

“ _Eddie_.” Buck just about choked Eddie’s name out, making Eddie concerned immediately.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I – I didn’t think anyone listened to me like that,” Buck admitted, holding the book close to his chest. “I figured you all just tuned me out, when I started talking about random facts.”

“I don’t,” Eddie reassured. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about, most of the time, but its nice to listen to you be passionate about the most random of things. It - it reminds me that the world doesn’t have to be less exciting, or interesting, even though we’re adults. You’re always learning something new, Buck – it’s amazing.”

“I love you,” Buck blurted out.

“It’s just a book, Buck.”

“No, I – I love the book, but I do love you, Eddie,” Buck seemed to regain some of his composure. “You listen to me like no one else ever has, Eds. You care. How could I not be completely in love with you?”

Eddie was proud of the fact he didn’t crash the car.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Buck said, his bright, and reassuring. “I don’t mind. I just wanted to say it.”

“ _Evan_ ,” it was Eddie’s turn to choke out the other man’s name. “You’re something special, you know that?”

Buck grinned. “I like hearing you tell me.”

“I – I can’t say it right now,” Eddie admitted, reaching across the centre console to take Buck’s hand in his. “But it’s because you mean so fucking much to me, Buck, and it makes it hard for me to speak, sometimes. You know? The words are there, but they’re getting stuck, and I don’t know why, and – “

“You’re panicking,” Buck interrupted softly, pressing his lips to the back of Eddie’s hand. “I told you I don’t mind.”

“How can you not mind?”

“Because,” Buck hummed. “You’re still sweeping me off my feet – and I told you before, we can do this at your pace. I can go back to being your goofy best friend in the morning, if I had to.”

“It’s that easy?” Eddie found himself asking.

“No, but I’d do it for you.”

“Fuck, Evan, how are you real?” Eddie couldn’t help himself now, pulling the car over as soon as it was safe to. Killing the ignition, he twisted in his seat.

“Why are we stopping on a random residential street?” Buck asked, glancing around, understandably confused.

“So I can do this,” Eddie huffed, leaning across the car to kiss Buck, pouring all the feelings he didn’t have the right words for yet into the embrace, unable to hold back a soft moan as Buck’s teeth dragged against his bottom lip.

Kissing Evan Buckley was a revelation. Buck kissed like he did everything else in his life – with everything he had – and it was overwhelming in the very best way. He kissed in a way Eddie felt right down to his fucking toes, feet curling in his sneakers as Buck dragged a hand through Eddie’s hair, tugging at the roots and sending sparks flying down Eddie’s spine.

“I would never want you to go back to just being my best friend,” Eddie said breathlessly, pausing to press his lips to Buck’s in a soft, closed mouthed kiss. “Never. I will always want more than that from you.”

“You can have whatever you want from me,” Buck said, and Eddie knew he meant it, and it was so overwhelming Eddie felt like he might actually burst, because how could his body be built to handle all that trust, and love, and affection?

“Right now,” Eddie managed to finally say. “I want you to keep holding my hand, and for us to go on our date, and for us to definitely do that,” he gestured vaguely between their mouths. “A whole lot more.”

Buck laughed, his eyes practically shining in the late evening sun. “If you wanted me to hold your hand, Eds, all you ever had to do was ask,” he said, slotting his fingers between Eddie’s, holding his hand tightly.

It had been a long time since Eddie had held the hand of someone who wasn’t his ten year old son, and he was surprised by the warmth – and in a way, he wasn’t surprised, because this was Buck, after all, warm in every way a person could be, so why would his hands be anything less than warm, and comforting?

It was as though Buck was giving Eddie all the warmth he had, through his hand, Buck’s fingers strong against his own, the other man occasionally squeezing Eddie’s hand lightly, pawing through his new book with his free hand.

It was the kind of easy domesticity that should have terrified Eddie to his core, especially on their third ever date, but it didn’t – how could it? How could Eddie be scared of this, of what they had, anymore? Before, before he’d started to open up in therapy about Buck, about his sexuality, it had scared Eddie. He’d never felt like this about anyone else, let alone another man, but now, months later, months of talking to Frank, months of processing later, it didn’t scare him anymore.

Eddie had been afraid for a lot of his adult life. He’d been afraid when he married Shannon, and he’d been afraid when she’d said she was pregnant, and he’d been terrified the day he’d enlisted, and he’d feared for his life every second of every tour he’d ever been on, and then he’d come back home, to America, and he’d been terrified of ruining his own child with all the baggage and issues that came with spending your formative years in the service of the military, and sometimes Eddie was still terrified of ruining that precious, brilliant kid –

But he wasn’t afraid of this, anymore.

Buck let Eddie take his hand again with a bright grin as they stepped out of the car, Eddie surprised at the way he wasn’t afraid to hold Buck’s hand as they walked, Eddie leading him to a secluded spot on the beach he’d been to with Chris, before. They were away from the main beaches of the city, the busy ones that were always full of tourists, and students, and while there was a few other families and couples dotted around, they were far enough away that it still felt private.

“I’ve never been on a romantic picnic before,” Buck admitted, helping Eddie to lay their blanket out, one Eddie had borrowed from Pepa, earlier in the day.

“Well, I’m happy to be your first,” Eddie teased, taking a second to enjoy the long lines of Buck’s body as he stretched out across the blanket, crossing his legs at the ankle. Buck was all legs and arms, tall in a very different way to Eddie, who carried his height in his torso. No – Buck was all legs, and those arms, those sinful fucking arms that make Eddie’s brain short-circuit when they were wrapped around him in something as innocent as a hug.

He was so gorgeous Eddie didn’t know what to do with the way it made him feel, most of the time.

Buck grinned up at him, leaning his body weight on his elbow so he could twist slightly, looking directly at Eddie. “Me too,” he said simply. He was wearing a dark green Henley Eddie didn’t recognise, the top button open just enough to expose some of Buck’s collarbone.

Eddie had a sort of primal urge to bite it.

Swallowing his urge to be an absolute weirdo, Eddie started to root in the picnic basket he’d brought. “Abuela helped me make all this,” he admitted. “So, you’re not going to get food poisoning.”

Buck laughed, the expression making his nose scrunch in the most adorable way. “I have more faith in your cooking that than,” he admitted. “I’ve had your mac and cheese, it’s not half bad, you know.”

“If you can continue to have the palette of a ten-year-old, I can keep cooking for you,” Eddie joked. “But I figured mac and cheese wasn’t the best picnic food – so abuela helped me to make some of your favourites,” he explained.

“Does she know why?” Buck asked, looking genuinely curious.

“Yeah,” Eddie paused for a second, smiling softly to himself. “I think she knew all along, you know? She wasn’t surprised when I told her why I was taking you on a picnic – she was really glad I was, actually. She told me it was about time I let myself be happy.”

Buck was absolutely beaming. “I knew there was a reason I loved her so much.”

“I didn’t expect it, you know?” Eddie admitted. “I didn’t think she was going to be annoyed, or upset about it, or anything – she’s never been that kind of woman – but I didn’t think she’d accept it so wholeheartedly, you know? But she did, she’s so happy for me, Buck.”

Buck reached out to squeeze Eddie’s hip lightly. “I’m glad, Eddie.”

“My family aren’t homophobic,” Eddie said quickly, not sure why he was telling Buck all this now. “I’ve never heard my parents say anything explicitly homophobic. But I guess I just worry a lot, about how they might react, now it’s someone close to home that’s – well, that’s not quite straight, anymore.”

“That’s fair,” Buck hummed. “Parents can react differently to how you imagine, though.”

“How did yours react?”

Buck was quiet, for a second. “They didn’t care,” he said. “Not in a supportive parent kind of way – they have just never taken much of an interest in my life, so they didn’t care when I brought a boy to prom, my senior year.”

Eddie’s heart ached. Parents not caring – he couldn’t imagine any parent in the world not caring about their son, about every aspect of their life. His own parents might drive him crazy, but they drove him crazy because they cared. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “That’s shit.”

“Yeah,” Buck shrugged. “Maddie cared enough to make up for it, you know? And I’ve made a life for myself that I’m genuinely proud of, so it doesn’t bother me all that much anymore.”

“If abuela ever finds out, she’ll adopt you,” Eddie warned. “She loves you a crazy amount, man. She gave me a shovel talk about ever hurting you.”

Buck laughed, the sound so genuine, and heartfelt. “She’s the best, Eds,” he said, voice soft. “You’re so lucky to have her.”

“I am,” Eddie said. “Her – her being so cool about this, about us, it makes me feel more confident about telling my parents, and my sisters. You know? She’s got my back, so even if they’re weird about it, she’ll just verbally kick the crap out of all of them.”

“That’s a big step,” Buck pointed out, happily accepting some of the food Eddie offered. “Telling your family.”

“I know,” Eddie hummed. “And I’m not saying I’m going to call them tonight, you know? But I want to tell them, and I figure that’s a big step in itself.”

“It is,” Buck agreed. “I’m proud of you, Eddie.”

Those words meant more than Eddie was ever going to be able to describe, if he was being honest.

“I think I’m proud of me too,” Eddie admitted with a smile. “Have you got your phone?” he asked suddenly.

Buck nodded, rooting in his backpack for his cellphone, handing it over to Eddie without a question. It was that, that sort of unconditional trust that made Eddie feel wildly overwhelmed. Buck was so open with how much he trusted Eddie, and he never questioned it, not even slightly. There was a weight to that sort of trust that Eddie hadn’t been ready to carry, before now.

But he was ready now.

“I wanted to put some music on,” Eddie admitted, using Buck’s thumb to unlock his phone, pulling up his Spotify.

“Is this you finally admitting I have better music taste than you?”

“Not in a million years, Buckley. Now shut up and enjoy your picnic.”

Buck was not, in any way, ready for their date to end. He’d enjoyed all their dates so far, but the picnic, their date this evening, it had been beyond Buck’s wildest dreams, if he was being honest – they’d eaten, and talked, and definitely kissed a lot, and talked, and talked, and Buck had somehow fallen more in love.

He hadn’t been sure that was even possible.

“Come home with me,” Eddie broke their companionable silence, drawing Buck’s attention fully. There was an unfamiliar heat to Eddie’s voice that made Buck’s stomach twist violently, and he couldn’t help but ask nervously.

“Are you sure?” Buck’s voice was unsteady.

Eddie wasn’t asking him to come back to watch a film, was he?

“I’m not sure what I’m ready for,” Eddie admitted. “But I want you to come home with me tonight, Buck – we can figure out what that means together. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Buck reassured. “We can.”

Eddie smiled, pulling carefully into another lane, bypassing the turn he’d need to take to drop Buck off.

Buck was itching to take Eddie’s hand in his own again, but he held back, unsure of himself, all of a sudden. They hadn’t really talked about this properly, about how slow or how not-so-slow they wanted to take this, their relationship.

They definitely needed to.

“Pepa is babysitting,” Eddie explained, as he killed the engine. “I offered for her to stay, but she said she’d prefer to go home. We can just say goodnight and then – we can talk?”

Buck nodded and followed Eddie into his quiet house. Pepa was sitting on the couch, and she gave Eddie a knowing smile as Buck followed him into the house, easing herself up off the couch. “Hi, Eddie,” she greeted, allowing her nephew to press a kiss to her cheek. “Christopher went down like an absolute dream – as always.”

“Ah, but you got to miss the angry looks I got for going to hang out with Buck without him,” Eddie replied wryly. “I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive me for that.”

“It’ll be something great to tease him with when he’s older, and he’s dating,” Pepa laughed.

“Oh, no, he’s never doing that,” Eddie replied, his voice hilariously serious. “He’s going to stay a kid forever, because if anyone ever breaks his heart, I’ll have to kill them.”

Pepa rolled her eyes fondly, picking up her handbag. “I’ll see you Sunday for dinner,” she said, patting Eddie on the cheek before turning to Buck. “Force him to have some real fun, hm Evan?” she directed, making Buck blush right down to his toes.

“Pepa!” Eddie hissed, looking desperately embarrassed.

“He thinks I’m some sort of artefact, like I don’t know exactly _why_ you’re here,” Pepa winked. “See you soon, boys!”

“I hate her,” Eddie honest-to-God pouted, slumping against the couch. “I do, I hate her.”

“She’s funny,” Buck said, realising he could probably enjoy the joke a bit more considering it wasn’t his aunt essentially directing him to get dicked down. He could see why that could feel a tad uncomfortable. He placed his hands on Eddie’s shoulders carefully, squeezing lightly. “We can very platonically just go to sleep. I’ll keep my hands to myself – Scout’s honour.”

“You were never a Scout,” Eddie rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to the inside of Buck’s wrist. “Let’s just check on Christopher first, yeah?”

Buck hadn’t expected checking on Christopher to include him, but he found himself being tugged along the hallway toward Christopher’s bedroom, the door open a crack, the way Christopher insisted on – not closed, but almost, because he was a grown up, now. Buck leaned against the doorframe, watching fondly as Eddie made sure that Chris was tucked in the way he liked to be, moving his glasses a little closer to the edge of Christopher’s locker, so he could find them more easily in the morning.

Eddie was so good with that kid.

Buck could hear Eddie’s faint ‘I love you’ as he pressed a kiss to Christopher’s forehead, ducking back out into the hallway, easing the door mostly shut behind him. Silently, Eddie jerked his head toward his own bedroom, Buck following helplessly.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to risk waking him up,” Eddie said, clicking his bedroom door shut softly. “Sorry. Is it weird that I just dragged you into my bedroom?”

“No,” Buck laughed, holding tightly to Eddie’s waist. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah,” Eddie hummed, his eyes fascinatingly bright. “I don’t mind either.”

Eddie’s body was familiar to Buck, in a lot of ways. They worked a very physical job, and it was hard to have boundaries with the people you worked shoulder to shoulder with every day – they had communal showers, they slept in the same room on night shifts – and beyond that, Eddie was his best friend.

But this still felt new. This was Eddie allowing Buck to learn his body in a very new way, and Buck desperately wanted to do right by him in that regard. Leaning in, Buck kissed Eddie softly, keeping his hands firmly on Eddie’s hips.

“I just really wanted to do that,” Buck admitted, pulling back. “But we should talk, first.”

Eddie groaned, leaning his head against Buck’s shoulder. “I hate talking.”

Buck laughed, running a hand through Eddie’s hair. “Consent is sexy, Eddie,” he quipped. “I need to know how you’re feeling about all this, though – because it’s not new to me, but it’s new to you, and I remember how overwhelming that can be.”

“I hate when you’re right, just so you know,” Eddie said pointedly, pulling back a bit. “I feel… Nervous,” he admitted. “Because it’s new, and I’m out of my depth. But I’m also excited, because it’s you, Buck, and – and I know you’ll make this good for the both of us, even if I’m a little clueless – and I’m excited because I want to do this with you, and figure this out with you.”

“I’m excited too,” Buck admitted, brushing a thumb along Eddie’s cheekbone. “You’re so fucking hot, Eddie.”

Eddie flushed deliciously under Buck’s hands. “So are you,” he mouthed quietly. “But I – I am also conscious that my ten year old son is asleep down the hall, and if we’re going to like – uh, actually have sex – I’m not sure I want to worry about Chris waking up down the hall.”

Buck nodded. “Fair,” he said, smirking slightly. “But just so you know, Eddie, when you actually fuck me for the first time, we’re going to need more than a couple of hours and we’ll definitely need an empty house.”

“Jesus Christ, Buck,” Eddie all but collapsed, pressing his face to Buck’s chest. “You cannot say things like that to me and not expect me to have a damn heart attack.”

“I just wanted you to know where I see this going,” Buck grinned, delighted at the affect he was having on Eddie. He hadn’t known how Eddie would react, and he was more than pleased that he seemed to be having the same affect on the other man, as Eddie had on him. “And I’m not going to stand here and pretend I haven’t thought about you fucking me. A lot.”

Eddie honest to God whimpered.

Buck pressed open mouthed kisses across Eddie’s cheeks, across his jawline, fiddling with the buttons of Eddie’s shirt. “Tell me to stop,” he all but commanded, popping the first button open.

Eddie looked at him, determination clear in his eyes. “I don’t want you to stop.”

Buck opened another button, and another, until Eddie’s shirt was hanging off his shoulders, Eddie’s torso exposed to the cool air of the room, Buck mouthing down Eddie’s sternum, teeth sinking into the muscle of his chest. “Tell me to stop, Eddie,” he repeated, waiting for Eddie’s reaction.

“I don’t want you to stop,” Eddie repeated, hesitant hands coming to rest in Buck’s hair, familiar fingers tangled in Buck’s blond curls.

Buck continued to make his way down Eddie’s body, the other man’s skin warm under Eddie’s mouth. He’d thought about this so long, and so often, part of him couldn’t quite believe that this was really happening, and it wasn’t just a very detailed fantasy he’d come up with while lying at home, alone, in bed.

Settling himself on his knees, Buck looked up at Eddie through his eyelashes, enjoying the way Eddie seemed to need to close his eyes for a second as Buck got his hands on Eddie’s belt, slowly opening the offending leather item.

“Tell me to stop, Eddie,” Buck said once more, fingers deftly opening the button of Eddie’s jeans, Buck’s nose brushing against Eddie’s crotch.

Eddie just about hiccupped out a reply. “Don’t you dare stop.”

Buck’s arm was a heavy weight on Eddie’s stomach – but a comforting weight, if Eddie was being honest with himself. The clock had just ticked over past seven am, and Eddie knew it was only a matter of time before Christopher would be awake and barging through Eddie’s bedroom door.

But he had a few more minutes to enjoy this.

“I can hear you thinking,” Buck mumbled, his breath hot against the back of Eddie’s neck. “Stop it. It’s early.”

“It’s good thinking,” Eddie reassured, stroking Buck’s forearm, enjoying the way Buck’s arm tightened around his middle in response.

“About?”

“Last night,” Eddie admitted, cheeks turning pink as he remembered the feeling of Buck’s very talented mouth.

“Did you enjoy it?”

Did he enjoy it? What a stupid question.

“If you’re fishing for compliments, you can quit it now.”

“No, I’m serious,” Buck shifted behind him, manoeuvring them both so they could see each other, Eddie still immobilised by Buck’s strong grip around his middle. Eddie hadn’t been sure he’d be all that into the idea of sleeping with someone who could match him, in terms of strength and size, but he was definitely into it.

Eddie enjoyed the way Buck’s stubble scratched against the back of his neck for a second or two before he replied. “I’m being serious too.”

“It’s fine if like – in the cold light of day, you’re not that into it.”

“Buck,” Eddie gave him a warning look. “I’m into it. I’m very into it. Would we be lying here spooning if I wasn’t into it?”

Buck’s expression was endearingly embarrassed. “It could be platonic spooning.”

“I gave you a handjob last night, Buck, there was nothing platonic about that.”

Buck grinned. “It was a very good handjob, thank you.”

“You thanking me for sex is not going to become a thing,” Eddie retorted, tugging on the ends of Buck’s hair. “You’ve got about five minutes to kiss me before Christopher comes in and forces you to take us for breakfast. He hasn’t stopped talking about the pancakes you brought him for last month.”

“Does he know?” Buck asked, voice soft.

“That we’re dating?”

Buck nodded.

“Yeah,” Eddie thought back to the conversation he’d had with his son, a few days previously, trying to explain just why Eddie was hanging out with Buck without Christopher around. “I don’t think he fully understood,” he admitted. “But he seemed happy, about it.”

Buck looked utterly delighted. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie reassured. “He loves you, Buck.”

“I love that kid so much, man,” Buck shook his head, his smile never leaving his face. Eddie knew that his best friend – boyfriend? Lover? They hadn’t had that conversation yet – meant it, too. Buck loved Christopher so much, it made Eddie wonder what the hell he had ever done in his life to find a man who loves his son so freely and loves Eddie just as much.

“I love you,” the words were spilling out of Eddie’s mouth before he could stop them, the moment just feeling right.

“Eddie,” Buck’s voice was full of wonder.

“I don’t know why I didn’t say it back last night,” Eddie blurted. “I – I think I needed to process it, or something, but I woke up this morning and you were still here, in my bed, and I just – I don’t want to waste another minute without you knowing. I love you,” he repeated, the words easier, second time around.

“I love you too,” Buck replied, and his lips were on Eddie’s before Eddie could even begin to think of a reply, Buck rolling Eddie underneath him, Eddie feeling ridiculously safe, and comfortable as he was bracketed in by Buck’s arms, Buck’s knee between his own.

“Mm, Buck, you’ve got to stop,” Eddie managed to gasp out, clinging to Buck’s waist. “Chris is going to wake up any second.”

Buck kissed him again, long and slow, this time, and Eddie was helpless to do anything except melt into it.

“Daddy!”

In any other moment, Eddie would have been impressed by how quickly Buck moved, rolling off Eddie and under the covers again with a surprising amount of agility for someone who was eighty percent legs and arms.

“You’re an idiot,” Eddie snorted. “Morning, Christopher!” he called out, his bedroom door opening to reveal a wide-eyed Christopher, his son still in his pyjamas, tiredly dragging his crutches along with him.

“Buck!” Christopher beamed. “You’re here!”

“I am,” Buck confirmed, propping himself up on one elbow. “Is that okay, buddy?”

Christopher nodded, setting his crutches on the floor, giving Eddie an expectant look. “Daddy has a comfy bed,” he declared, Eddie smiling to himself as he lifted Christopher off the floor, holding his son close. “Dad! You’re squeezing too tight.”

“I know,” Eddie wasn’t the slightest bit apologetic. “I just missed you, kid.”

“You saw me yesterday, silly,” Christopher grinned, but let Eddie hug him tightly, chin tucked into the groove of Eddie’s neck. “That’s cool, Buck.”

Eddie followed his son’s gaze, smiling as Christopher poked the tattoo on Buck’s chest. “It’s a tattoo, Chris,” he explained. “Buck has lots.”

“I want a tattoo!” Christopher declared excitedly.

“Absolutely not,” Eddie said firmly. Of course his son decided at 7am on a Saturday morning that he wanted a tattoo. He couldn’t wait for Chris to bring this up at school – or to abuela, God forbid, who has yet to forgive Eddie for his own tattoos. “You are ten years old, Chris.”

“Your dad is right,” Buck hummed. “You have to be at least me and your dads age to get one.”

Christopher sighed. “But you’re both so old!”

“Christopher Diaz!” Eddie feigned offense. “That’s rude!”

Christopher giggled, nuzzling in closer to Eddie’s neck. “Sorry, daddy,” he said sweetly. “But you are old. Older than me!”

“I can’t argue with that,” Eddie laughed, enjoying the way Buck was desperately trying to swallow his own laughter next to him.

Christopher seemed tired, in Eddie’s arms, and he pressed a kiss to the side of his son’s head. Christopher still woke up stupidly early, but he was definitely getting to the age where he needed more sleep – even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“Can we make a deal, Chris?” Eddie asked, Christopher refusing to budge from where he’d curled into Eddie’s body. “We’re all going to go back to sleep for an hour, and then we can go and get breakfast.”

“No! I’m not tired!”

“No, but I am so tired Chris,” Buck said, giving a dramatic yawn. “I don’t think I’ll be able to even think about pancakes unless I get some more sleep.”

Eddie knew his son well enough to know he was staring very intently at Buck, there and then. “Pancakes?” Chris asked hopefully.

“Only if you let us old people sleep a little more first,” Buck replied.

“Okay!”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile. Buck was such a good parent, and he didn’t even realise it.

“I’ve got your glasses, little man,” Buck reassured, gently easing Christopher’s glasses over his head, setting them on Eddie’s bedside locker. Eddie gave him a grateful smile, shifting so he was lying on his back, Christopher still tucked against his shoulder.

They lay in silence, for a few minutes, until Eddie was certain Christopher had fallen back to sleep. Chris could sleep absolutely anywhere – it was the kind of skill Eddie could only admire, given how long it normally took him to fall asleep.

“Is this okay?” Buck mouthed at Eddie.

Eddie nodded, careful not to jostle his son as he reached for Buck’s hand, intertwining their fingers tightly. “Stay,” he replied softly. “You belong here.”

Buck didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve this – but he wasn’t going to question it. Not when he had Eddie’s hand held tightly in his own, and Eddie and Christopher were snoring softly next to him.

Questioning it would mean breaking the spell, and Buck wasn’t going to do that.

He was just going to enjoy this.

**the cinema date**

Buck was kind of vibrating out of his skin with excitement as he waited for Eddie outside the cinema. When Eddie had suggested a movie date, Buck had been unbearably excited. It was the kind of cliché date that Buck couldn’t help but want to go on with Eddie.

“Hi,” Eddie said, all in a rush. “Sorry I’m late. I was dropping Christopher off for his sleepover, and God – the mother of the kid who invited him would not stop talking, so matter how many times I told her I had to be somewhere.”

“It’s okay,” Buck laughed. “I got us tickets already, so we just need snacks.”

Eddie’s brow furrowed. “It’s supposed to be _my_ treat, Buck.”

Buck rolled his eyes, throwing an arm over Eddie’s shoulders. “Eddie, you’ve paid for every single one of our dates so far,” he said. “I can get us tickets to the movies.”

Eddie hooked an arm around Buck’s waist, comfortable with the casual affection in a way that made Buck’s heart thunder in his chest, in awe of the normality of it all. “Okay,” he relented. “But I’m buying the snacks.”

“Fine,” Buck knew it was an argument he wasn’t going to win, the two of them joining the relatively short queue for snacks. “But know I’m mad about it.”

Buck could sense Eddie was rolling his eyes.

“Don’t be rude,” Buck poked. “I want popcorn.”

“I’m not getting butter.”

“Eddie, man, come on, butter popcorn is – “

“A crime against humanity, Buckley. Shut up and decide what drink you want.”

Eddie couldn’t help how quiet he was as they left the cinema, Buck chattering excitedly about the twist ending of the action film they’d just seen. Eddie – if he was being honest, he didn’t remember much of the plot. He’d been too busy being struck by quite a major realisation.

“Can I drive?” Buck inquired, eager as always to drive Eddie’s truck.

Tossing Buck the keys, Eddie nodded. “Knock yourself out,” he managed to squeeze a smile out, sliding into his own passenger seat. Buck had Ubered to the cinema, as planned, because Eddie was spending the night at Buck’s place – also as planned.

“Did you not like the movie?” Buck inquired, pulling out of the parking lot and out onto the street, used to driving Eddie’s car by now.

“No, I did,” Eddie shook his head, wondering how he was going to put this into words. “I just realised, something.”

“Oh yeah?”

Eddie nodded, unable to stop the way tears were welling up in his eyes. “I had a crush on _The Rock_ growing up,” he blurted out.

“Wait – Eddie, are you crying?”

“Yes!” Eddie laughed, wiping at his eyes, his heart feeling warmed by the endearing concern on Buck’s face. “Buck – I didn’t know it was a crush. I didn’t let myself believe it was a crush. But now, now I’m realising I did have crushes on actors – and the boyband posters in Adrianna’s room – and on the boy from my homeroom my junior year.”

“ _Eddie_.”

“I never let myself believe it was a crush,” Eddie said, shaking his head, unable to stop his tears now. “Fuck, I can’t stop crying.”

“Good crying?” Buck asked, still looking concerned.

“Yeah,” Eddie hiccupped out, thinking of one of his most recent sessions with Frank. They’d spent the whole hour talking about Eddie’s sexuality, which was unusual in of itself – usually, Eddie inadvertently brought it up through talking about something else, but he’d brought it up of his own accord, this time, and the whole painful, tearful hour had ended with Frank saying something that had sort of just stuck with Eddie.

_‘It’s okay to let yourself want another man, Eddie. In an emotional **and** physical sense.’_

“You’re freaking me out, Eddie.”

“I want you,” Eddie twisted in his seat, his heart thundering in his chest. “I’ve been holding back because I wasn’t sure I was allowed to want it, but I want you, Buck – I want you so much I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t – I can’t stop thinking about kissing you, about the way it felt to have you touch me, that night at mine.”

“Eddie, I am going to crash this truck if you keep talking like that,” Buck warned, his cheeks flush.

Eddie laughed, wiping at his tear stained cheeks. “I can’t stop,” he shook his head. “I’ve always liked boys, too, I just – I didn’t let myself acknowledge that, before now.”

Buck was looking at him with such pride in his eyes that Eddie was kind of concerned he might spontaneously combust, looking at the man he loved.

“I’m bisexual,” the word felt right, as it rolled off his tongue, like it fit – like it was an identity that Eddie could grow into, not one he would be restricted by. He was a father, the son of an immigrant, a war veteran, a firefighter – and he was _bisexual_.

Buck parked the truck haphazardly in the parking lot of his building, practically scrambling across the centre console to capture Eddie’s lips in a searing kiss, the kind he felt right down to his toes. “I’m so fucking proud of you,” Buck panted against his mouth. “But if you don’t get your ass out of this car and into my apartment right now, we’re going to get arrested for public indecency.”

Eddie laughed, and he nodded, kissing Buck sloppily once more before he stumbled out of the truck, feeling ridiculous and drunk on – well, _love_ and _lust_ and _want_ – barely remembering to tell Buck to lock his car before Buck determinedly grabbed him by the hand, dragging him toward his building.

“I want you,” Buck huffed out, spinning Eddie and pinning him against the wall as they waited for the elevator.

Eddie shoved his hands under Buck’s shirt, swallowing thickly. “You can have me.”

Before Buck could kiss him, the elevator opened, Buck awkwardly greeting one of his neighbours, an elderly woman Eddie vaguely recognised, before he manhandled Eddie into the elevator, slamming Eddie into the wall as he pressed the button for the sixth floor, and –

Oh _God_ , Eddie was **definitely** into Buck slamming him against walls.

Pawing desperately at the buttons of Buck shirt, Eddie let Buck kiss the breath out of his lungs as the elevator ascended, the faint ding of the doors opening the only thing that could possibly break them apart, there and then.

“You’re not fucking me for the first time in an elevator,” Buck said, managing to untangle them enough to get out of the elevator, stumbling along the corridor, Eddie plastering himself to Buck’s back as the other man fumbled for his keys.

“You really meant that?” Eddie asked, enjoying the way Buck shivered and almost dropped his keys as Eddie shoved a hand underneath his shirt, the skin of Buck’s stomach warm under Eddie’s cold hands.

“Of – of course I fucking meant it, Eddie, Jesus, did you think I was inviting you over for _tea_?” Buck huffed sarcastically, finally managing to open the door, flinging his keys across the room, Eddie kicking the door shut behind them.

Eddie couldn’t help but take the opportunity to slam Buck against the wall this time, enjoying the way Buck seemed to absolutely lose his breath, chest heaving as Eddie pulled at his shirt, practically ripping the offending item from Buck’s body – he definitely pulled a couple of buttons off, the sound of the plastic pinging against the wooden floor of the loft making Eddie smirk.

“Oh God, this is how I die,” Buck threw his head back against the wall. “Eddie Diaz, ripping my clothes off. Will you ask Maddie to put that on my gravestone?”

Eddie fixed him with a serious look. “Are we going to talk about your sister right now, or are you going to let me try and give you a blowjob?”

Buck looked as though he was going to crumple to the floor, Eddie’s hands the only thing keeping him upright. “I’m serious, Eddie, I’m not going to survive this – you’re going to put your dick in me, and I’m going to go into cardiac arrest.”

Eddie smirked, opening Buck’s belt buckle, pulling it from Buck’s trousers will a satisfying crack. “I’ll make sure they don’t call the 118.”

Eddie was like, maybe a _bit_ concerned he had killed Buck.

“Are you breathing?” he poked at Buck’s bare side, admiring the already bruising mark on Buck’s shoulder that was the result of Eddie sinking his teeth into the soft skin.

“No,” Buck swatted at him, face down in the singular remaining pillow that had survived their attack on Buck’s bed. “I’m dead. You’ve actually killed me, Edmundo.”

“Don’t call me Edmundo,” Eddie said, no heat to his words as he stroked a hand down Buck’s back. “Hey – Buck, seriously, are you okay?”

Buck lifted his head, squinting at Eddie. “I came. _Twice_ ,” he retorted. “You try being coherent.”

Eddie grinned. “You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m very grateful,” Buck swatted at Eddie, a wince crossing his face as he moved, lying on his side.

“Did I hurt you?” Eddie asked, immediately concerned. That had been an unmistakable flash of pain, and it didn’t sit comfortably with him.

“Eddie,” Buck reassured, pulling Eddie in for a languid kiss. “I’m fine.”

“No, I – I hurt you.”

“Eddie,” Buck interrupted firmly. “You rocked my world, okay? It’s just that it’s been a while since I’ve done that, so I _will_ be walking with a slight limp you can be very proud of tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?”

Buck raised an eyebrow. “Eddie, chill out,” he said. “You’re not exactly supposed to shove a dick up someone’s ass. The life-changing orgasms come at a slight price.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “You make it sound so romantic.”

“Oh, I can do romance,” Buck grinned, moving so he was half lying on top of Eddie. “Eddie, my love – you beautiful man. Thank you for making sweet, _sweet_ love to me.”

Eddie shoved at his face. “You’re an idiot.”

“Maybe,” Buck shrugged, tucking his face into the groove of Eddie’s neck. “But we did just have sex for the first time. And it was amazing. You can forgive me for being a little soppy.”

Eddie ran his fingers lightly across Buck’s shoulders. “It was amazing,” he hummed, his entire body sated and sweaty in the nicest way. “We should shower, Buck.”

“Ugh, no.”

“I’m not an expert, but I feel like you might regret not showering,” Eddie said pointedly. “Lube is kind of gross when you let it dry in.”

Buck lifted his head. “You say such sexy things to me, Edmundo.”

“I try,” Eddie winked.

“I’ve got to pee,” Buck admitted after a beat of silence. “Join me in a second?”

Eddie nodded, pressing a kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth before the other man dragged himself tiredly out of bed, leaving Eddie amongst the cooling sheets. He couldn’t help himself, as he stood up, tugging the sheet off, rooting in Buck’s drawers for a clean one. The duvet was fine – Eddie was surprised that hadn’t ended up being thrown over the balcony along with the pillows that had found a new home in Buck’s living room – but the sheet was gross, and sweaty, and it definitely needed changing.

“Eddie! The hot water is a wasting!”

Tucking in the final corner of the sheet, Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, padding across Buck’s bedroom to enter his bathroom. He’d never really been in Buck’s upstairs bathroom – those times when he’d helped Buck shower, after the ladder truck incident, they’d been downstairs. It was small – small enough that Eddie felt entirely justified in plastering himself up against Buck’s back, pressing a kiss to his water warmed skin.

“Mm, turn,” Buck murmured softly, directing Eddie under the hot spray. Eddie had already felt pretty relaxed, but the steady thump of the hot water against his back soothed any remaining aches from his back, his eyes fluttering closed as he let the water wash over him.

“You’re beautiful,” Buck said, his voice soft, teeth grazing against Eddie’s jaw as he nipped at the skin there.

“Says you,” Eddie hummed, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Keep your eyes closed.”

Eddie followed Buck’s command, a tiny groan escaping his mouth as he felt Buck’s hands begin to work shampoo into his hair, tugging at the roots, his hands just as talented when it came to shampooing hair as they seemed to be in every other way.

“This is nice,” Eddie said, letting Buck tilt his head back so he could wash all the shampoo away. “Your turn.”

Buck let Eddie manoeuvre them around in the shower stall, reaching for the shampoo in Buck’s shower caddy. “Bend, a little,” Eddie directed. Buck had a couple of inches on him – never enough height to be actually noticeable, but he needed Buck to lean down a little so he could properly wash his hair.

It was an easy kind of intimacy that Eddie had never imagined he’d have with another human being. They moved so easily in sync, directing each other around the shower and exchanging soapy kisses until they were clean, Buck wrapping Eddie up in a fluffy towel with a bright grin.

“Do you have a spare toothbrush?” Eddie asked, realising he hadn’t brought anything like that to Buck’s place.

Buck hummed, bending to look under the sink. “No,” he admitted. “I have a spare toothbrush head for mine, though?” he offered, gesturing vaguely toward his electric toothbrush, holding a spare head out to Eddie, the brush still in the packaging.

“Thanks,” Eddie took it from Buck’s grip, shamelessly admiring his own handiwork on Buck’s body as Buck brushed his teeth. There was a dark hickey blooming under one of Buck’s pecs, right under the tattoo he had there, and finger shaped bruises across both of Buck’s hips.

One look in the mirror showed Eddie that he was looking just as debauched, scratch marks starting between his shoulder blades and continuing down to his waist, Buck thankfully saving him an awkward family dinner at the weekend by sucking a hickey into his lower collarbone, low enough that it could easily be covered by a t-shirt.

Twisting off his toothbrush head, Buck passed Eddie the body of the toothbrush, taking a slug of his mouthwash, a lopsided grin fixed in place on his face.

“What?” Eddie asked, the word barely decipherable around the buzz of the toothbrush.

Buck spat the mouthwash out, shrugging. “Just admiring my handiwork,” he said simply, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s shoulder blade. “You want a bottle of water?”

Eddie nodded, mumbling a thank you as Buck carelessly discarded his towel, padding out of the bathroom unashamedly naked. Rolling his eyes, Eddie finished up brushing his teeth and put both of their towels in the hamper.

There were some habits from the military he was certain he’d never lose.

Settling himself on the right side of Buck’s bed, Eddie stretched his deliciously tired muscles, waiting for Buck to come back.

“I figured I’d collect the pillows,” Buck explained, throwing them at Eddie’s head before he set two bottles of water down on his beside locker.

Eddie was quite glad he hadn’t thrown those.

“Aw, Eddie, you changed the sheet!” Buck beamed, throwing himself down on the bed next to Eddie. “You’re the best boyfriend.”

“Oh, I’m your boyfriend now, am I?” Eddie teased, not quite wanting to give away how good that sounded him. He would be more than happy to be Evan Buckley’s _boyfriend_ , thank you very much.

“Yup,” Buck declared easily, hitting the switch that closed his blinds, the loft descending into peaceful darkness. “It’s the unspoken rule – if you get to date four, and fuck me like you did – well, we’re in a relationship. You’re stuck with me now. It’s the rule.”

Eddie snorted, curling himself around Buck. “Okay,” he replied. “Who am I to break the rules?”

“Good,” Buck hummed. “What time do you need to leave to collect Chris tomorrow?”

“10,” Eddie yawned, nuzzling his face into Buck’s damp hair. “I already set an alarm.”

Buck’s reply was barely a mumble, linking their fingers and pressing a kiss to the back of Eddie’s hand before he spoke “Ten more boyfriend points for you.”

**the accidental double date**

Buck was halfway through enjoying a very delicious steak when an excited squeal of ‘Evan!’ drew his attention, Buck pausing with a fork halfway to his mouth. What – what happened with Abby wasn’t happening again, was it? If someone else had stolen his identity, Buck swore he was going to lose his damn mind.

“Evan Buckley,” Maddie’s very familiar voice repeated. “Fancy seeing you in this very fancy restaurant,” she said, glancing across the table, her eyes wide. “Fancy seeing you here in this very fancy restaurant with _Eddie_.”

Buck couldn’t stop the uncomfortable feeling that settled in his chest as his sister put two and two together and got four. “Mads,” he said, voice soft, glancing over at a nervous Eddie. “We haven’t told anyone yet.”

Maddie’s face softened, but before she could reply, Chimney bounced over to join them. “Maddie, they’ll have a table for us in five – oh, hello there, Buck and Eddie,” he smirked, glancing between them. “What do we have here?”

Maddie slapped Chimney’s chest lightly. “None of our business is what we have here, Chim,” she said, Buck glad of his sister’s fierce protectiveness, there and then.

“It’s okay, Maddie,” Eddie was the one to speak up, this time. “Buck and I have been going on dates, lately,” he explained. “But we haven’t made it public yet, so we’d appreciate it if you could keep this to yourselves for now.”

Chimney’s jokey air was gone, and he gave them both a reassuring smile. “Me? I haven’t seen you guys since our last shift,” he said, shrugging. “I don’t know anything.”

Buck gave his future brother-in-law a grateful smile. “We just needed some time for ourselves before we let anyone else in on the secret,” he said, smiling even more widely as Eddie hooked an ankle over his own.

Eddie nodded. “It uh – I know you all knew Buck was into guys,” he said. “But it’s new for me.”

Maddie gave them both a pleased smile. “I’m very happy for you – for both of you,” she said, smothering Buck’s forehead in kisses. “You deserve to be happy, Ev.”

“You too, Eddie,” Chimney added, looping an arm around Maddie’s waist.

Buck grinned at Eddie, turning to his sister and her boyfriend. “We are,” he reassured. “We’re really happy.”

Eddie knew he had been quiet, throughout the rest of dinner – quiet enough that Buck had suggested they forgo dessert, and now they were walking along the street, back toward Buck’s car, in silence.

“Eddie – talk to me, man,” Buck pleaded, stopping in the middle of the pavement. “What’s wrong? Is – is it other people knowing? Because Maddie and Chim will keep quiet about it, and we don’t have to tell anyone else.”

Eddie knew he was being serious, too – Buck would let him hide their relationship for as long as he wanted them to. But that – that was the opposite of what Eddie wanted. Running into Chim and Maddie like that, it had started something off in his head, and he’d spent most of dinner trying to process it.

“God – Buck, no,” Eddie shook his head. “That’s the last thing I want. I – seeing them made me realise how much I want this to be public knowledge, now. I want to take you for Sunday dinner at my abuela’s house as my boyfriend, and I want to walk into work holding your hand, and I want everyone to know that – that we’re together, Evan.”

Buck’s face softened, his concerning melting away into a genuine smile. “Really? You want to do all that with me?”

“Yes!” Eddie said, as if it were entirely obvious, cupping Buck’s face in his hands. “I love you, Buck – and we know we’re both serious about this. It’s time we let everyone else in on the secret. We can – we can do the paperwork with Bobby, Monday morning, yeah?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah.”

“And Sunday, you’re coming to dinner with us, and I’ll introduce you to abuela – and everyone else – as my boyfriend,” Eddie continued, not caring that people were having to move around them, the two of them blocking the path.

“I’d really like that, Eddie.”

“Me too,” Eddie reassured, kissing him softly, pulling back as he realised something. “But there’s two people I need to tell before we do any of that.”

Buck understood.

Of course he understood.

“How about we let Carla go a little earlier than planned, and you can call them,” Buck suggested. “And I can be there, or I can not be there, it’s up to you to decide.”

“I love you,” Eddie murmured softly, grateful in ways he didn’t have words for as Buck hugged him tightly, pressing a kiss to the side of Eddie’s cheek.

He – he didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve to have this man love him the way he did, but Buck did. Buck loved him so unconditionally it was terrifying, Buck driving them back to Eddie’s house, Buck seeing Carla out with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, Buck setting a cup of tea down in front of Eddie as he stared at his cellphone, suddenly nervous.

“Talk to me.”

Eddie looked up at Buck. “What if they don’t react the way I want them to?” he asked, his voice small. Eddie had faith in his parents, he did – they were good people, the kind of God-loving, Texas residents that you’d expect them to be, and they had given Eddie and his sisters a good life, they loved Christopher, they loved all of their grandchildren.

But what –

What if they didn’t like the fact Eddie had a boyfriend?

He hadn’t let himself dwell too much on the possibility of that, if he was honest. Abuela had been so quietly accepting when he’d admitted to her he was taking Buck on dates, but he – well, he couldn’t help but worry that maybe his parents wouldn’t react so well. Maybe – maybe they were more conservative than he thought they were.

“Then we’ll deal with it,” Buck reassured. “You’ll talk to Frank about it, and abuela will probably murder your dad.”

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh. “Stop, I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” Buck said. “I don’t know your parents very well, Eddie – and I can’t pretend like I might know how they’ll react. But however they react, we’ll deal with it, because we’re a team, you and I. Yeah?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Will you – will you stay here? If they react well I – I think it’d be good for them to speak to you too.”

His silent worry of the conversation going wrong went unspoken, but he knew Buck understood. Swallowing his nerves, Eddie picked up his cellphone, pressing the FaceTime option on his mother’s contact. The dial tone was impossibly loud in the silence of the kitchen, but after a minute or so, his mom answered.

“ _Eddie! Honey, is everything okay? You never call this late_ ,” his mom’s face was concerned, her brow furrowed as she squinted into the camera.

“Yeah, yeah – everything is okay, mom,” Eddie reassured. “I just – I need to talk to you and dad, if he’s home.”

 _“Yes, yes, of course, he’s watching TV, let me go in there,”_ his mom said, the camera feed fuzzy as she moved around the house, Eddie catching glimpses of his childhood home as she moved through the house. _“Ramon, Eddie needs to speak to us.”_

His dad’s face appeared in the camera, and he looked just as concerned. _“Eddie, mijo, is everything okay?”_

Eddie nodded, his hands shaking slightly, jostling the phone. “I don’t know how to say this,” he admitted. “So, I’m just going to come right out and say it to you and hope that – hope that you still love me,” he blurted, Buck’s reassuring expression spurring him on. “I’m bisexual.”

He’d never said that to anyone else except Buck, before.

The silence on the line was overwhelming.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t hide it, anymore,” Eddie continued in a rush. “I’m bisexual, and I’m not – I’m not ashamed of it, and I hope that you can be okay with it, because I – I’m bisexual,” he said the word again, it getting easier and easier every time to say it.

 _“Eddie, sweetheart, breathe,”_ his mom’s voice was soft, and reassuring. _“Did you really think we’d be upset about this?”_

Eddie couldn’t stop the hiccup that escaped his chest. “Y-yes?”

 _“Eddie,”_ his father was the one who spoke. _“You are our son, hm? Nothing will ever make us love you less.”_

Relief flooded Eddie’s body at his father’s words. “Really?” he couldn’t help but ask.

 _“Eddie, honey,”_ his mom said, her eyes tearing up. _“You remember how it felt to hold Christopher in your arms for the first time?”_

Eddie nodded.

 _“I felt that with you too,”_ his mom continued. _“You are **my** baby, Eddie. No matter how old you get, you are my baby – and I don’t care if you like men, or women, or both, I care that you’re happy, and you’ve been happier recently. Have you – have you met someone?”_

Eddie let out a hiccupping laugh, nodding. “I have,” he admitted, glancing over at Buck. “I – you know him, I think,” he said. “Evan Buckley – my partner at work.”

 _“Oh, he’s nice – he’s a nice boy, right, Ramon?”_ his mom nodded eagerly, not giving Eddie’s rather a chance to reply. _“Can we meet him, Eddie?”_

Eddie looked across the table at Buck, smiling softly. “He’s here now, actually,” he admitted, gesturing for Buck to come around the table and sit next to him.

Buck moved without the slightest hint of grace, sliding into the chair next to Eddie. “Uh, hi,” he greeted, waving awkwardly at the phone screen. “Nice to meet you again.”

Eddie leaned into Buck’s personal space as his parents chatted, enjoying the warmth of Buck’s body next to his. He – he was happy.

Happier than he’d ever been in his life, and now Buck was charming the socks off his parents and his mom and dad didn’t care that he was bisexual and he had a boyfriend and a life he was proud of and he just –

Eddie couldn’t think beyond the happiness that was flooding through his body as his mom laughed at a joke Buck was making, wiping roughly at the tears that had spilled from his eyes. Frank – he’d been encouraging Eddie for months now, to live in the moment, and embrace his life as it was there and then, and Eddie had never fully understood what it meant until now.

He’d live in this moment forever.

**the paperwork date**

“Morning, Bobby,” Buck greeted, Eddie following his boyfriend into Bobby’s rarely used office.

“Morning,” Bobby greeted, slightly surprised. “You two are here early. Your shift doesn’t start for another half an hour.”

“We know,” Eddie nodded, shifting from foot to foot. “We – well, we’ve got something we need to tell you, and the rest of the team.”

“But we wanted to tell you first,” Buck interjected. “We needed to tell you first, actually, because – well, I assume there’s going to be some paperwork to deal with.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow. “Go on.”

“We’re dating,” Eddie said, wanting to be the one who said it, the one who announced it aloud. He was getting more and more used to it every single time he said it to someone – to his parents, his sisters, to abuela, at the weekend, and now, to Bobby.

Bobby’s smile was genuine. “As your friend, I’m very happy for you both,” he said, rooting in his desk. “As your boss, I need to give you a bit of a speech here. I’m not obligated to ask one of you to switch shifts, or change stations – yet,” he said, a warning tone to his voice. “The day that your relationship affects your ability to be professional, is the day I will transfer one of you, no arguments.”

“Yes sir,” Eddie nodded, Buck mumbling his agreement too.

“Good, I’m glad you understand,” Bobby’s smile was back in place. “Now, there’s a couple of things you need to sign – a waiver, some documents around emergency contacts, your living situation – you don’t need the marriage one just yet – and oh, this one is new, it’s a sort of LAFD honour code, to reaffirm your professionalism….”

Eddie slid into one of the chairs across from Bobby’s desk, only half listening as Bobby explained the small pile of documents they’d have to sign now they were making their relationship official, Buck bumping his knee against Eddie’s as he started to scribble his name on the papers.

Spending a half an hour signing paperwork to make their relationship official might just be one of the best dates they’d had yet.

“Morning all,” Bobby greeted, the team huddled around the table and tucking into the breakfast Buck and Eddie had been roped into helping him make – Buck a lot more willingly than his boyfriend, if they were both being entirely honest. “Before we start our shift, Buck and Eddie have something they’d like to share.”

Buck grinned across the table at Eddie, who nodded, giving him the go-ahead. Their ability to silently communicate had always been great, and dating had only made it better. “We’re dating,” Buck announced, jumping in his seat as the table descended into absolute chaos around them, Chim and Reynolds yelling at each other, half the table passing money over to Hen, Allen muttering darkly as he appeared to empty the contents of his wallet into Bobby’s hands.

“What the hell is happening?” Eddie asked for the both of them, a stunned laugh escaping his mouth as they watched their colleagues. “Did you have a bet going on whether we’d start dating or not?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Hen nodded, looking pleased with herself. “And I won!”

“Wait – wait,” Chimney grinned wickedly. “We forgot one important thing. Which one of you made the first move?”

Buck looked across the table at his boyfriend at Eddie, dropping the other man a wink. “Eddie swept me off my feet, of course.”

“Goddamnit Buckaroo, couldn’t you have done the wooing?” Hen slumped in her chair, handing over half of her winnings to Bobby. “That’s for you and your wife,” she said bitterly.

Buck looked at Bobby curiously. “You and Athena bet on Eddie being the one to make a move?” he asked.

“I figured you deserved a bit of romance, Buckaroo,” Bobby smiled, folding the cash carefully. “Athena and I had a theory Eddie here, is a bit of a romantic soul.”

“Well,” Buck shovelled a forkful of eggs into his mouth. “You’re not wrong.”

“Oh my God, tell me everything!”

“No, don’t tell her anything – I don’t need to know!”

“I bet you’re both really soppy around each other. On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the PDA?”

“Who said I love you first? I have a hundred dollars riding on that one.”

Buck had never been more grateful for the alarm sounding, the team changing from over-excitable teenagers to a well-oiled firefighting machine in a matter of seconds, turnout gear being shrugged on as they made their way to the trucks.

“You ready to save some lives?” Buck asked, about to swing himself up into the driver’s seat of the ladder truck.

Eddie grinned, holding out a wrist for Buck to bump his against. “With you? _Always_.”

**fin**

**Author's Note:**

> this started as a simple, cheesy 5+1 fic about dates that turned into this monster. hope you enjoyed!
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at capseycartwright!


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